Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
True story*
-Are you going to smoke again? - Jackie patted my breast pocket where I had just recklessly stuffed a pack of cigarettes right in front of her . She couldn't stand the smell of tobacco smoke, which forced me to completely abandon my bad habit at home.
-You know, just a few.
-And why can't you just stay home anyway? You could have stayed with me, we'd watch a movie. - For a while now, she tried to get me to watch some tear-jerker as I tried to avoid it by all means possible. - I told you, I have an important meeting.
I gave her a peck on a cheek, caught a reproachful gaze of her green eyes, suppressed that rousing from the depths of my soul feeling of self-contempt, and stepped outside the house. Today I decided to cheat on my wife. For the first time. I grew tired of the steady married life I led with a calm home girl who was difficult to convince to venture out to movies. My soul craved excitement, I wanted to get involved in some kind of adventure. Today, I had the chance. Not long ago, I met this pretty girl who loved trendy parties and night clubs and who didn't mind spending some quality time with me. Tonight.
Jo was standing on her porch, smoking. I paid the driver, got out of the cab, kissed her on the lips and lit up a cigarette to keep her company. I deeply inhaled the smell of freedom, looking at my adorable friend, anticipating almost heavenly pleasures. Here it is, happiness! Happiness was slightly tainted by the smell of alcohol on Jo's breath. Although today is Saturday. Evening. Why not?
-So first we're going to a club, then to my apartment, - she announced, exhaling puffs of grey smoke.
Truthfully speaking, I didn't mind shaking my bones up a bit. I can tell Jackie that the meeting ran late, she is so trusting she wouldn't suspect anything.
-Alright, club it is.
-Do you have anything? - Jo slyly screwed up her eyes.
-What are you talking about? - I had no idea what she was asking about.
-Eh, got it. I guess I am going to have to drink again.
She drank a lot, taking rare short breaks to smoke. I went to the dance floor twice, while she remained by the bar, as if stuck to it, getting more drunk by the second. The situation tensed me up, I got nervous and offered to take her home. She reluctantly agreed.
-You know what I want? - Jo asked me suddenly, when we were almost by the exit. I shook my head.
-I want to go to the catholic church with lots of rich folks and pick up some diplomat... And I want to go to the bathroom.
I had to let her go. I leaned against the wall and waited patiently. I was slightly disturbed by her non-adequate condition and in fifteen minutes I got worried. In another fifteen minutes I got worried even more and went looking for her.
As I reached the female restroom, I noticed a long line of girls that were dancing on the spot. For some reason I didn't think they were dancing to the sound of the music. I understood everything immediately. My girl is inside, unconscious. Ignoring the mutinous murmur coming from the row of provokingly dressed girls, I squeezed through them to the door of the bathroom, and pulled the doorknob. The door was locked. I heard a familiar voice coming from the inside. Alright, so she is inside and I will get her out now. I pulled the doorknob with all my might, the door flew open with the door post, leaving a part of the doorknob in my hands. Dumbfounded, enlarged to the size of a quarter eyes were staring at me from the room, and only girl's black hair and wide cheekbones gave away the fact that these eyes were supposed to be much narrower. This wasn't Jo... A moment later my head collided with her purse. "Chinese, from Hong Kong", I thought as a noticed a tiny red with a white flower pin attached to the purse. She would've hit me again, but some girl's arms grabbed me from behind and pulled me roughly back into the club. The bathroom crowd pushed me right to the bar stand, slapping my face and kicking me as I went. Imagine my surprise then, when I saw Jo standing on the same spot by the bar. She was smoking lazily and hugging some highly intoxicated man who looked foreign.
-So you managed to find a diplomat after all?
-Where have you been? I've been waiting - she told me fussily while pushing away her new guy. The guy wouldn't get off. With one lazy hand movement I sent him to the floor. Our reality has a bad influence on foreigners...
-Let's go - I barked.
-Hang on - she threw back her drink, got up and smacked on the floor, unable to keep her balance. As I watched her futile attempts to get up, I suddenly thought, "And why did I need all of this? I have such a wonderful wife". As I calmed down a bit, I picked her up and dragged her to the nearest exit. As I was walking out of the door, I ran into the girl I disturbed in the bathroom. She wasn't alone, but rather with a buffed guy who was holding her arm. I realized he was about to hit me as soon as I looked into his eyes. I mumbled something inarticulate and nodded in the direction of my drunk friend. He looked at my unconscious burden and had a change of heart. He then laughed softly, patting my shoulder... I respect Buddhists. Once we were on the sidewalk, Jo took a pose of a seasick crab. Having bent her head to the ground so that her long hair scattered all over the ground, she moved her hands and feet in an attempt to "walk". My attempts to get her in a vertical position met stubborn resistance and discontented grumbling. I guess she wasn't able to lift her head due to obvious reasons. I wrapped my right arm around her waist and set off towards the street, having to endure laughs and taunts of the passersby. I figured it would be nearly impossible to catch a cab in this condition - so I laid her on a grass nearby and went back to the side of the road to catch a cab. All the while I kept one eye on my beloved companion to make sure no one gets a bite of her. I caught a cab fairly quickly. However, as soon as I tried explaining to the driver it would me plus another lifeless body, that lifeless body stumbled to the car and exhaled a puff of smoke in the cab (and when did she manage to light up). She then fell on the backseat and announced that she would never, ever, ride in this disgusting car. The cab driver was very understanding, and having charged me a triple fare, agreed to drive us home. On our way there, I was scared that her stomach may decide to rid itself of excess alcohol, but, to my great satisfaction, it didn't happen. She slept all the way home. To my relief, the cab driver also helped me carry my lifeless companion to the doors on her apartment. I didn't have a choice but to give him a bigger tip. To my even greater relief, I easily found the house keys in her purse and opened the door. Having dragged my potential partner to the bed, I sat down on the sofa to catch a breath... Jo unexpectedly regained consciousness, sat up on her elbows and attempted to focus her glassy eyes on me. Once she succeeded, she smiled broadly, revealing two rows of large yellow teeth. She lifted her shaking hand, tucked the pillow corner in her cute little mouth and tried to light it up.
- Are you a man or where? I want you-u-u-u-u...
I took away her lighter, adjusted the pillow, turned her on her side and, having taken off her shoes, covered her with a blanket. She passed out again. My job here was done.
I stepped outside, I deeply inhaled the air filled with freedom, and had a fit of coughing.
-Oh no, - I thought as I crumpled the suddenly disgusting pack of cigarettes. - Enough!
My hand involuntarily reached for the cell phone.
-Hi, Jackie? Hey honey! Oh, I love you so much... Don't go to bed just yet, I'll be home in a few. We can watch a movie.
*slightly embellished for literary purposes
-You know, just a few.
-And why can't you just stay home anyway? You could have stayed with me, we'd watch a movie. - For a while now, she tried to get me to watch some tear-jerker as I tried to avoid it by all means possible. - I told you, I have an important meeting.
I gave her a peck on a cheek, caught a reproachful gaze of her green eyes, suppressed that rousing from the depths of my soul feeling of self-contempt, and stepped outside the house. Today I decided to cheat on my wife. For the first time. I grew tired of the steady married life I led with a calm home girl who was difficult to convince to venture out to movies. My soul craved excitement, I wanted to get involved in some kind of adventure. Today, I had the chance. Not long ago, I met this pretty girl who loved trendy parties and night clubs and who didn't mind spending some quality time with me. Tonight.
Jo was standing on her porch, smoking. I paid the driver, got out of the cab, kissed her on the lips and lit up a cigarette to keep her company. I deeply inhaled the smell of freedom, looking at my adorable friend, anticipating almost heavenly pleasures. Here it is, happiness! Happiness was slightly tainted by the smell of alcohol on Jo's breath. Although today is Saturday. Evening. Why not?
-So first we're going to a club, then to my apartment, - she announced, exhaling puffs of grey smoke.
Truthfully speaking, I didn't mind shaking my bones up a bit. I can tell Jackie that the meeting ran late, she is so trusting she wouldn't suspect anything.
-Alright, club it is.
-Do you have anything? - Jo slyly screwed up her eyes.
-What are you talking about? - I had no idea what she was asking about.
-Eh, got it. I guess I am going to have to drink again.
She drank a lot, taking rare short breaks to smoke. I went to the dance floor twice, while she remained by the bar, as if stuck to it, getting more drunk by the second. The situation tensed me up, I got nervous and offered to take her home. She reluctantly agreed.
-You know what I want? - Jo asked me suddenly, when we were almost by the exit. I shook my head.
-I want to go to the catholic church with lots of rich folks and pick up some diplomat... And I want to go to the bathroom.
I had to let her go. I leaned against the wall and waited patiently. I was slightly disturbed by her non-adequate condition and in fifteen minutes I got worried. In another fifteen minutes I got worried even more and went looking for her.
As I reached the female restroom, I noticed a long line of girls that were dancing on the spot. For some reason I didn't think they were dancing to the sound of the music. I understood everything immediately. My girl is inside, unconscious. Ignoring the mutinous murmur coming from the row of provokingly dressed girls, I squeezed through them to the door of the bathroom, and pulled the doorknob. The door was locked. I heard a familiar voice coming from the inside. Alright, so she is inside and I will get her out now. I pulled the doorknob with all my might, the door flew open with the door post, leaving a part of the doorknob in my hands. Dumbfounded, enlarged to the size of a quarter eyes were staring at me from the room, and only girl's black hair and wide cheekbones gave away the fact that these eyes were supposed to be much narrower. This wasn't Jo... A moment later my head collided with her purse. "Chinese, from Hong Kong", I thought as a noticed a tiny red with a white flower pin attached to the purse. She would've hit me again, but some girl's arms grabbed me from behind and pulled me roughly back into the club. The bathroom crowd pushed me right to the bar stand, slapping my face and kicking me as I went. Imagine my surprise then, when I saw Jo standing on the same spot by the bar. She was smoking lazily and hugging some highly intoxicated man who looked foreign.
-So you managed to find a diplomat after all?
-Where have you been? I've been waiting - she told me fussily while pushing away her new guy. The guy wouldn't get off. With one lazy hand movement I sent him to the floor. Our reality has a bad influence on foreigners...
-Let's go - I barked.
-Hang on - she threw back her drink, got up and smacked on the floor, unable to keep her balance. As I watched her futile attempts to get up, I suddenly thought, "And why did I need all of this? I have such a wonderful wife". As I calmed down a bit, I picked her up and dragged her to the nearest exit. As I was walking out of the door, I ran into the girl I disturbed in the bathroom. She wasn't alone, but rather with a buffed guy who was holding her arm. I realized he was about to hit me as soon as I looked into his eyes. I mumbled something inarticulate and nodded in the direction of my drunk friend. He looked at my unconscious burden and had a change of heart. He then laughed softly, patting my shoulder... I respect Buddhists. Once we were on the sidewalk, Jo took a pose of a seasick crab. Having bent her head to the ground so that her long hair scattered all over the ground, she moved her hands and feet in an attempt to "walk". My attempts to get her in a vertical position met stubborn resistance and discontented grumbling. I guess she wasn't able to lift her head due to obvious reasons. I wrapped my right arm around her waist and set off towards the street, having to endure laughs and taunts of the passersby. I figured it would be nearly impossible to catch a cab in this condition - so I laid her on a grass nearby and went back to the side of the road to catch a cab. All the while I kept one eye on my beloved companion to make sure no one gets a bite of her. I caught a cab fairly quickly. However, as soon as I tried explaining to the driver it would me plus another lifeless body, that lifeless body stumbled to the car and exhaled a puff of smoke in the cab (and when did she manage to light up). She then fell on the backseat and announced that she would never, ever, ride in this disgusting car. The cab driver was very understanding, and having charged me a triple fare, agreed to drive us home. On our way there, I was scared that her stomach may decide to rid itself of excess alcohol, but, to my great satisfaction, it didn't happen. She slept all the way home. To my relief, the cab driver also helped me carry my lifeless companion to the doors on her apartment. I didn't have a choice but to give him a bigger tip. To my even greater relief, I easily found the house keys in her purse and opened the door. Having dragged my potential partner to the bed, I sat down on the sofa to catch a breath... Jo unexpectedly regained consciousness, sat up on her elbows and attempted to focus her glassy eyes on me. Once she succeeded, she smiled broadly, revealing two rows of large yellow teeth. She lifted her shaking hand, tucked the pillow corner in her cute little mouth and tried to light it up.
- Are you a man or where? I want you-u-u-u-u...
I took away her lighter, adjusted the pillow, turned her on her side and, having taken off her shoes, covered her with a blanket. She passed out again. My job here was done.
I stepped outside, I deeply inhaled the air filled with freedom, and had a fit of coughing.
-Oh no, - I thought as I crumpled the suddenly disgusting pack of cigarettes. - Enough!
My hand involuntarily reached for the cell phone.
-Hi, Jackie? Hey honey! Oh, I love you so much... Don't go to bed just yet, I'll be home in a few. We can watch a movie.
*slightly embellished for literary purposes
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